It amazes me how you're so easily able to move on with your life, like nothing's happened.Being able to smile and just laugh like you're not even bothered, not the least bit.You say you care, but how much do you actually think and remember what has happened? Only when your messaging me? when ur with me? And the rest you seem perfectly fine. I don't think there'll ever come a day when you'll regret. It's like you've completely forgotten about us being best friends, It;s like that didnt mean anything, didnt mean enough to even want to be best friends. Like everything that happened was a mistake, and that if u could back in time, you and i would not be best friends again. Cause im just what, a Horrible and Demanding Jerk? A guy who is obsessed? I wonder how u just got over it so easily. I wish i could do the same. Do u see the guy who really wants to be close again? who loves u with all his heart, and just wants you to be happy. I care so much and yet to you all u want is us being ordinary friends. And nothing more. Is it cause before u had lesser friends? Not so close to the people in church? And now you're popular and all of a sudden the roles have been reversed. You like the attention u get, so theres no need for me anymore. You've got friends in school, so i suddenly dont exist. How can u just be so unaffected, just be as if nothings wrong, be amazingly happy, when deep down im in so much pain, so much thought and so much conflict. Thinking always how to get u back, how we can improve our relationship, but now cause u dont need me, u dont want us to have a better relationship. Is it really cause ur tired of trying? Or just cause u dont see a need for me in ur life anymore? IM just another burden to you i guess? Someone else u need to say sweet nothings to so u can satisfy, someone u need to do the least bit to prove ur a friend, So u can be blameless as a friend, after all to you thats all friends do right? Im nothing more, nothing more then the least bit u need to do. Like a little troublesome broken record u just maintain with the least enthusiasm, and passion just enough to meet ur standards and nothing more, so u can have a good nights sleep without a guilty conscience. After all to you thats what friends do. IT amazes me how much things have changed. From who u were and what u did, to who u are and what ur doing. Its like u used me, and when u dont need me anymore, u throw me away. Just do enough to be just friends, no need for more, after all i've got nothin else to offer. So did u ever love me? I cry as i post this, cause of how hurt im feeling knowing i really mean nothing else then the least bit. The just average. And that u can just forget us being best friends, forget every happy memory and just throw it all away caue u dont need me anymore. Does the past really not mean anything to the present or the future? U chose to throw it all away. I guess at the end of the day, it's my fault again. It amazes me.

The beautiful day...
1:37 PM

I guess enough time has passed. I know we're trying to make things better. And yet it's so hard for you to be comfortable around me. Still it's hard for you to be able to confide in me. Sometimes i wonder if we'll ever be able to be close again, moreso i wonder if that is really what you want. Or is this gonna be hi-bye friendship in which there is no essence whatsoever? I want to be there for you, i don't know if its the same for you. I wish i could look into the future and see how things would be but i can't.

The beautiful day...
11:09 PM

You don't call , you don't message. You made me sufferfor something you said was your fault. You played me around, played my feeelings. And expect me to believe you care? Im just the fool who got cheated.

The beautiful day...
1:29 AM

I wish i could just give u a hug, say sorry, i love you, and move on.

The beautiful day...
1:18 AM

I can neverexplain why i treasure you so much. Even though i've been hurt, and i feel like i have every reason to be justified when im angry with you, i cant move on from you. I keep thinking of you and i and everything we stood for before.And regret and sadness just sweeps through me. Is it really too much to ask to just be like old times, when you and were both happy. How can i be sure that you mean what you say when it is so hard for you to do anything when you're with me in person. I know and i want to believe that you really did try, but its so hard. But i still appreciate it, and i guess i just want both of us to find peace and happiness while we're still in each others lives. I want to surrender to what God has in store for us, and im praying really hard. Im trying my besto look past your weaknesses and i just feel so cheated sometimes when i dont see any physical change. The conversations we have, i thought they'd change things, but it really didn't seem to, which is why i got so angry. Now youprobably feel like you dont want to put in effort anymore. You may think im just an unappreciative jerk . I guess you're right. I did screw up. Im sorry. You mean more to me then the arguement, and i wonder what things will be in the future. We've done a pretty crappy job in a friendship. And i really want God to work in our lives to make this better cause i know he can. I hope you will not give up hope and trust in his abilities. I hope the bitterness and all the memories of the bad things in the past in both our lives will burn. So we can have a fresh start, and look forward to being happy an finding peace in the future. I hope you can let go, and still have a reason to want to be best friends with me. I still love you very much.
-Ken

The beautiful day...
12:09 PM

Ken is giving Thanks, cause every day of life is a blessing. I finally know that all u said on sunday was rubbish. Things arn't gonna change. And yes im dead to you anyways. Nevermind. Sometimes i wonder if caring too much is wrong. Now that im fine, you can go back to your life, and not feel guilty anymore. Even though ur concern only lasted 2 days, thanks. And if u want me to treat u mediocrely cause u cant do any better then that, fine, not because i want to, but cause u want me to. I hope you're happy now.

The beautiful day...
4:58 AM

I only realized how much she meant to me when she went away.And all i want to do now is start afresh in my life. I can ask God why why why, but things happen for a reason. Maybe someday if God wills it to be we'll be together , maybe not. I want to be remembered for different things, and so this is my new beginning. A new start, A new life. I want to change.

The beautiful day...
7:16 AM